Getting Yelled at By Celebrities at Sundance Stardust Memories:
Part 2. David Boreanaz
Previously: Pierce Brosnan
This story is not about being yelled at as much as being glared it. The yelling was more implied than expressed; he yelled at me on the inside as it were.
A few years back, I can’t remember which - as part of my coverage of the Sundance “scene” I went to tour a gifting suite. One of the things I enjoy most about the Sundance festival is its shameless split personality. On the one hand, the festival is a tribute to dark, slow, depressing low budget films highlighting the plight of the poor, or the - whatever group’s plight is being mourned that day. Somber, sober considerations of a world of injustices. And then people come out of those and say - lets go get our free ermine trucker hats! Fred Segal’s giving away emerald studded luggage tags! Paris Hilton is hosting a secret mansion party! They are serving beluga-stuffed panda spleen at dinner!
So one year I was taking in one of these “gifting suites.” A “gifting suite” looks outwardly like Grand Bazaar of Istanbul, a warren of stalls under one roof garishly summoning all passer-bys with brazen displays of goods. Except the stalls all are maintained by makers of various obscure luxury items. And you have to be on a list certifying that you are some sort of celebrity (D list and up) or even a celebrity hanger-on to get into the bazaar. (Basically to certify that you stand a better than one in a thousand chance of being photographed in whatever you take.) And also, everything in the suite is free; the hawkers are not vying to sell you things but to entice you, minor celebrity that you are, into taking it in hope that you will wear or hold it somewhere in public.
I was being shown around this suite by its publicist, who hoped I would write a piece about the suite - one of several that lined Park City’s Main Street - which would entice a better class of celebrities who would entice a better class of luxury giverawayers. I looked politely at the various baubles. As a journalist, you are also offered free things - although not the most expensive five figure things, more like the upper three to mid four figure stuff. I am clearly not the target audience for diamond studded iPod holders but full disclosure: I took nothing over my years there, except for maybe a piece of chocolate. I can’t remember any specifically but generally in life if people offer my candy, that’s when my ethics go out the window for the time it takes to eat it. But, fuller disclosure: if I wanted to make a list of journalists I have seen taking things bigger than candy at Sundance, that would be a very long list indeed.
Anyhow, so the publicist was showing me around and there across the room I spotted TV’s David Boreanaz from TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The publicist asked if I’d like to talk to him and I said, sure. She went to him and cleared it and led me over.
What I did not know is that in polite company, journalists do not ask celebrities about their free-stuff-grabbing proclivities. You ask them instead to tell you how excited they are about whatever they are working on and how excited they are to be a part of whatever charity they are giving 12 minutes of their time to. That is what polite journalists speak of. I had much to learn.
So the conversation went as follows:
Me: Are you in a movie up here?
David Boreanaz: No.
M: Ah, right. So what brings you up here?
D: A friend is throwing this charity soccer game that I’m playing in.
M: Fabulous. Um, so. Do you do a lot of these gifting suites?
D: No.
M: No?
D: No.
M: But are you getting good stuff from this one?
D: No.
M: You’re not getting good stuff.
D: No.
M: You’re not taking anything?
D: Nope.
(A silence follows that felt approximately thirty percent longer than the American Civil War during which David Boreanaz stared deep into my eyes and I felt hatred like I hadn’t known since I accidentally reminded Mrs. Hartenbower that she had forgotten to give us our homework assignment in fourth grade.)
ME: Okay, great talking with you.
David Boreanaz: It was great.
(Picks up his two shopping bags stuffed to the top with free stuff and leaves.)
Next episode: James Gandolfini
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